Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Its only illegal if you get caught

Last month I went sugar smuggling. Yeah, I did that. It might sound like nonsense, but Africa takes its sugar seriously. To ensure that I dont get arrested, I was with an unnamed person working with an unnamed organization. We traveled down past the border into The Gambia, where we purchased sugar at a very low, discounted price for his, or her, personal consumption. Smuggling sugar into Senegal is like smuggling crack across the Mexican border. You get in big trouble if you get caught. I almost went to jail for a very long, long time.

Kuba jara....Kuba jara is nothing you want to mess with. The witch doctors use it to cure everything from the common cold to cancer. Kuba jara is a weed that grows naturally out in BFE. They take the weed and use it as tea leaves. They filter out the tea 3 times and then drink it. So I bet youre asking, why 3 times? Because if you filter it only once, you better say good-bye to reality for the next 10 years. If you filter it out only 2, you basically go blind and forget about the next three days. 3 times is okay though, and it gets rid of your herpes.

Djinak is an island an hour away from my village. The island has a wicked curse for ALL law enforcement officers. If anyone with legal power even steps foot on the island, then they die instantly. I havent found out how they die, because the police here actually do think they'll die if they get in the way. Great cover up if you plan on growing an island full of POT. Pot island is a wonderfull place if you happen to be either a hippie or a Mexican dope smuggler, which I am neither. I only smuggle sugar. PS, I dont smoke pot, mom.

Zoom Zoom!!!! Ah yes, the Z-Z will get you in trouble. Zoom zoom is what I like to call African moon-shine. Its illegal to make, its illegal to buy, its even illegal to own. Im innocent on the first charge, but guilty as hell for the other two. Zoom Zoom is a very hard alcohol made in Seereer areas of the country, which I happen to live. The moonshine is made from distilled sugar, which Im sure is illegally smuggled into this country. Its a very tricky business, this zoom zoom. People make it in total secret. Its just not allowed to do. Carrying around 1 fluid litre of this stuff gets you two years in prison. I only had half a litre. I drank zoom zoom on the evening of July 3rd. I didnt sleep untill the night of July 5th. Its a powerful drink that makes sure you never want to drink it again. I dont know if its the sugar that keeps you awake, or the fact that you have no clue what else they put in it. I could be drinking rat poisoning and vanilla extract for all I know. Thats why they call it moon-shine.

Updates

Hey everyone. Sorry its been awhile since Ive posted any new messages, but lifes been pretty busy lately. I just wanted to give you all a few updates on whats going on in the life of Malick Ndong.

1. Rainy season has been slow. Good news is that it has started to rain. Things should be picking up here really quick in the next few weeks.

2. My dog Bukki came back home. Bukki got lost about 2 months ago, but I found her in Sokone last Wednesday. It made me realize how much Ive missed her.  She looks really healthy and big. The only thing is, someone got ahold of her and cut her ears off. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad but they do that here to keep the bugs from getting to them first. So my dog has no ears. Other than that, everythings back to normal.

3. My health has gotten better. I still dont know what i had, officially. My village gave me some tree bark to chew on. They said it would cure me, so I said what the hell and ate the damn thing. Im convinced that African voodoo medicine is now the way to go.